Do you have questions about pursuing security of heart? We’d love to hear from you. Before you submit your question, please check to make sure it isn’t asked on the general questions page.

Send your question to

Being vulnerable with others

Could you elaborate further on the point you made in chapter 10, p. 228 about how Satan will try to discourage us from opening up to others..."In this way he can keep us from the truth that if we persevere, we'll endear ourselves to other women by talking about how we really are". Do you mean that we enable ourselves as women to be loved by others when we are open and vulnerable about our character?

Robin's Response

From my experience, most of us are afraid to open up for a variety of reasons. Perhaps we want to keep something hidden that we’re ashamed to admit. Or it could be something painful we don’t want to think about again. We also might be afraid of another person’s judgment or think they just won’t understand. But I’ve actually found quite the opposite.

As I begin to reveal layers of myself (sins, doubts, fears, pain) that I had kept hidden, I begin to experience a great sense of personal freedom. I have also found mercy, empathy, grace, and compassion, not only from other women, but also from God. Perhaps even more importantly, I'm learning to be vulnerable in the present--to talk about today, what I'm struggling with today, and how I'm processing it today.

Many people not only find vulnerability courageous and endearing, they’re encouraged to be vulnerable themselves. They begin to shed the weight of fear, guilt, or denial that they’ve been carrying (often for a very long time). I can’t count how many people have thanked me for being vulnerable! The key is perseverance. Even though I am usually afraid to be raw and unfiltered, by persevering and getting through it, I’ve built life-long bonds and connections that superficiality or sharing “just enough” can’t create.

Will others always love us when we are open? I wish I could tell you, "absolutely yes," but the truth is that this is the part that we can't control. That's why vulnerability appears to carry a big risk. What if I open up and then they end up rejecting me?

Here's what I've come to personally. The biggest reason I try to walk in vulnerability is because Jesus did. And in doing so, he was able to reflect back to others a God who loved them in all their struggle and imperfection. Vulnerability takes me back to the cross, where Jesus, being taunted by others about his lack of rescue from God, chose to be vulnerable right in the spot where he was being attacked by crying out in a loud voice, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

Although I'd be less than truthful to say that I don't want to be loved (remember that I'm a recovering love addict!), my highest hope in vulnerability isn't that people will love me. My highest hope is that they will see God in my life, find courage to come out of hiding, and begin to trust their heavenly Father with their heart. Jesus said it best:

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." John 12:24


Join Secure in Heart
Want to receive new articles and updates about the Secure in Heart ministry?
Click Here

Pass it on today!
  alcoholic parents, battling breast cancer, beauty of woman’s heart, becoming a Christian, being defensive, being loved by otherssecure in God, being vulnerable with others, carefree heart, Christian security, church study topics, comparing yourself to others, dealing with an eating disorder, deeper walk with God, dealing with losses, does prayer change God’s mind, doubting your salvation, embracing being single, emotional struggles of single women, emotions with my husband, Eve in the garden, faith during infertility, feeling invisible, forming a women's book group, God's love language, grieving process, hope during hardship, returning to God, handling stress, husband's struggle with pornography, identity in Christ, impurity Scriptures, verses on insecurity, losing a loved one, loving people, male insecurity, married to a sex addict, not liking my appearance, overcoming insecurity in Christ, perfectionism, Paula Wilkens, perseverance of Godovercoming shame of impurity, purity resources, response to NIU tragedy, Satan's attacks on women, Satan's whispers, secure in Christsecurity as a single woman, seeing little miracles, reaching out to your neighborhood, softening a hard heart, trusting God, God's goodness, understanding my worth, sexual addiction, unfulfilled desires, God's patience, wanting attention from men, welcoming Jesus, finding God in hard times, why women feel insecure, will I be alone, women's bible study, women's book club

© 2008 Secure in Heart. All rights reserved. Website Design by Visual i Design