Do you have questions about pursuing security of heart? We’d love to hear from you. Before you submit your question, please check to make sure it isn’t asked on the general questions page.

Send your question to questions@secureinheart.com



My husband's struggle with sexual addiction

In the book, you share about your husband's struggles with sexual addiction. What should I do if I discover my husband is involved in pornography or other sexual activities outside of marriage?

Robin's Response

My first bit of advice would be, “Don’t panic.” Just as Satan seeks to shame us about our insecurities, Satan has sought to shame men about their battles with purity. Shaming him won’t help. After you’ve taken a little time to get past the initial shock, it’s time to set up a conversation with your husband (I’m not in favor of unloading your fears on him in just any random moment.)

I would advise that you pray over that conversation, and give your husband some control, “Honey, I need to talk about with you about something. When would be a good time?” Then, when you sit down together I would suggest the actual conversation go something like this:

“Honey, I want to talk to you about something that’s difficult to talk about, but really important for us discuss. Please hear me out. Here’s what I’ve discovered and how I discovered it. Or even, here’s what I suspect and here’s why. Then, depending on the circumstances, I’d suggest asking some very direct questions such as: When was the last time you looked at pornography? How often do you masturbate? Are you having an affair? Have you ever called a dating line? Do you visit adult bookstores?”
Don’t be surprised if there’s a lot of initial defensiveness. And, regardless of what answers you get, try not to over-react. This is just a starting point.

Then, it’s time to get some help from those with experience in dealing with these kinds of issues. But here’s the good news. You’re not alone and there is hope. What I’ve learned is that God continues to bring much good in my own life through my husband’s battles. If Dave’s battles hadn’t come into the forefront, I don’t know if I would have ever dealt with my own codependency coming from my father’s alcoholism. I certainly wouldn’t have written this book. In nearly every case, I’ve found that there are struggles on both sides of the marriage when impurity is present. Confronting impurity in a marriage can be a conduit of God’s grace for both partners.

 

Join Secure in Heart
Want to receive new articles and updates about the Secure in Heart ministry?
Click Here





Pass it on today!
 
 
   
  alcoholic parents, battling breast cancer, beauty of woman’s heart, becoming a Christian, being defensive, being loved by otherssecure in God, being vulnerable with others, carefree heart, Christian security, church study topics, comparing yourself to others, dealing with an eating disorder, deeper walk with God, dealing with losses, does prayer change God’s mind, doubting your salvation, embracing being single, emotional struggles of single women, emotions with my husband, Eve in the garden, faith during infertility, feeling invisible, forming a women's book group, God's love language, grieving process, hope during hardship, returning to God, handling stress, husband's struggle with pornography, identity in Christ, impurity Scriptures, verses on insecurity, losing a loved one, loving people, male insecurity, married to a sex addict, not liking my appearance, overcoming insecurity in Christ, perfectionism, Paula Wilkens, perseverance of Godovercoming shame of impurity, purity resources, response to NIU tragedy, Satan's attacks on women, Satan's whispers, secure in Christsecurity as a single woman, seeing little miracles, reaching out to your neighborhood, softening a hard heart, trusting God, God's goodness, understanding my worth, sexual addiction, unfulfilled desires, God's patience, wanting attention from men, welcoming Jesus, finding God in hard times, why women feel insecure, will I be alone, women's bible study, women's book club

© 2008 Secure in Heart. All rights reserved. Website Design by Visual i Design