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How do I overcome destructive thoughts?
Since I became a Christian over twenty years ago, I have struggled with angry thoughts and cursing in my mind. These thoughts seem to rule my heart and mind. Do you have any advice on how to overcome my destructive thoughts?

Robin's Response
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and openness. By talking about your struggle openly, you've made the first step towards overcoming.

I know it can be very difficult to let others into our lives and see the truth of our battles. But, you are certainly not alone in your struggles. I had a very bad spell a couple of years ago with self-condemning thoughts. I would literally say, “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” to myself when I was frustrated by my behavior or afraid of people thinking I was less than perfect.

In a sense, I think cursing is the same kind of thing. Although on the surface we curse others and even situations we don't like, there is a deeper pain lying underneath--the pain of thinking that our circumstances or personal flaws show us for who we fear we really are--someone who doesn't deserve good from God.

Over time, I realized that I was just repeating back the same accusations that Satan throws at me. Satan wants me to think I have no worth. But if I remember who God says I am, I can more easily resist Satan’s threats and avoid self-blame.

For instance, I often remind myself that I am God's precious daughter that he delights in and sings over--even in my flaws and weaknesses. In fact, He longs to spend time with me. He is the only one who can quiet my anxious heart (Zephaniah 3:17).

You also might try digging deeper to see where your anger comes from. From my experience, anger is sometimes a symptom that alerts us to unresolved emotions--unresolved mourning over losses, unresolved hurts, or even fears that deep inside we're ashamed of.

Here's something that has worked for me. Whenever you feel anger welling up inside, think of a word that helps you catch yourself before your anger spirals out of control. For instance, say “Whoa,” in your mind. (Or even, whoa, whoa, whoa!) It’s your alert to stop and reflect on what you’re feeling and why.

Then take a few minutes to ask yourself some questions and write out your answers: